Jan 09 2012

My Therapist is Obessed

It’s true.  My therapist is obsessed with my feelings. She’s constantly saying things like, “How do you feel when your husband does that (or doesn’t do that)?” “How do you feel when you see your lover?” “How do you feel right now?” “How did you feel…?” “How did you feel…”” “How did you feel…..?” “How did you feel…?”

Uuugghhhh! Make it stop!

It’s not that I don’t have feelings.  Of course I do. But I don’t have feelings about everything. I have lots of thoughts about just about everything, but some things just are. They don’t elicit a feeling for me.

For example, if I’m making dinner, I generally don’t have a feeling attached to it. I have thoughts.  I make enjoy it or not.  I think about what I’m doing or I daydream about something else, but feelings generally aren’t in play for me at that time.

In the same way, not every experience with others elicits feelings.

But my therapist is going to ask, and when she asks I start to second guess myself. Am I supposed to be feeling something about that? Or are therapists just supposed to ask? Then I’ll close my eyes and try hard to feel something about whatever it was she asked about. If I don’t and I say, “Nothing,” I watch her face closely for the telltale signs that she thinks I’m repressing something – a tiny shudder of a raised eyebrow, a written note she makes.

Sometimes I would love to see the notes she writes. I suspect I might see things like this:

“Suppressing feelings from her childhood.”
“Not in touch with her feelings about her husband.”
“Confuses feelings with thoughts.”

My thoughts on those things?  Who the hell cares???

But the hour goes by more easily if I don’t say things like that. So, I’ve memorized a few names of feelings that can apply to a variety of situations so I am always prepared for the “How did you feel….?” questions.

Powerless, resentful, ashamed, confused, frustrated, reassured, confident, rebellious, anxious, satisfied, and so on. If the question comes and I get the feeling that she won’t let me off the hook with, “I don’t know” or “I don’t feel anything about that,” I just pick from the list.

Here’s a list of feeling words if you find yourself in a similar situation.

The only problem is that I think she figured it out because recently I said I felt satisfied about something and then she said, “Tell me more about that.”


I think she’s obsessed with feelings the same way I tend to be obsessed with sex sometimes.

Maybe she needs therapy.


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  1. Ryan Beaumont

    Try this as a response: “I FEEL like shoving that pen up your ass! How would that FEEL!” ๐Ÿ™‚

    But seriously a lot of people are probably not as in touch with their feelings as your are and not as communicative so I am sure she is going from a prescribed normal playbook.

  2. Naughty Kitty

    When I went to therapy I cried whenever the therapist asked how I felt. That eats up ALOT of time. Can you try that?

  3. Liam

    > maybe she needs therapy.

    Maybe she needs sex.

  4. Anonymous

    How do you feel when you’re fucking someone else even though you’ve told/promised your hubby you’re not? Pick a word from your “list” if necessary…

  5. Kat

    Liam – I’m sure you’re right. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Kitty – Lol. My goal is not to watse the valuable time I’m paying for, but thanks for the suggestion.

    Ryan – I think it’s pretty standard, too.

    Anonymous – There you go again, assuming facts not in evidence.

  6. Nicholas

    I totally understand this (though I have not been in therapy). I have someone in my life constantly asking me how I feel about things. Honestly, I don’t feel a lot of the time.

    It think people are just wired differently. Some are more oriented to the “touchy feely” side of life, and other toward the rational thinking side. Neither is right or wrong, they just are. Even with rational thinkers, feelings are there, but are just much more subtle and come out in different ways.

    Another thought…you seem pretty damn secure in your relationship with your husband right now. You both know what you want, and you both know that you do not want to leave each other. When a person is secure in something, feelings are not as strong. It is when something becomes insecure that feelings become much stronger. So, if you were insecure in your relationship, then the things she asks you about might produce stronger feelings. Your security reduces feelings to second tier.

    I may be overanalyzing this, but I think that she thinks you are insecure and is searching for the feelings to demonstrate that. Of course, this is based solely on this post, so what do I know? So this is worth what you paid for it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Kat

    Anonymous – Did your spouse cheat on you at some point? What happened?

    Nicholas – I agree. I am very secure in my relationship; however, I think the therapist assumes that I must not be because my husband cheated on me, but I do not believe that his sex with other women (or mine with other men) has changed the nature of our relationship at all. If anything, our sex life is a bit mroe exciting now, and we both now have evidence that infidelity does not mean our marriage is over. *That* provides a sense of security.

  8. Liam

    After lightly mocking your therapist in my last comment, I’ve given this some more thought.

    Kat, what I love most about your blog is how you describe what you feel about what you’re doing. How your experiences are changing you. How you react to your guys.

    Don’t get me wrong, a hot sex post is wonderful, but at this point, I sorta’ understand the mechanics of hard things in wet things, so it’s the other parts that fascinate me.

  9. physical therapist schools

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