Oct 19 2014

FetLife Follies

demotivational_posters_fetlife_help_desk-s492x454-283229I decided to check in at FetLife again to spread the word about our new home here at ProwlingwithKat.com and to see if FetLife had changed from the last time I was there.

I won’t keep you waiting. No, it hasn’t.

FetLife is a great idea. It’s a social networking platform for the BDSM and fetish community. If you’ve got a fetish, you can probably find it there, along with some others who might be willing to enjoy it with you.

My issue with it has always been that there are many men there who assume way too much when they message a woman for the first or second (or third or fourth time). Being into BDSM or some fetish does not necessarily mean that you want to do it with anyone who asks.  And the idea that someone there might not be in the market for a playmate at all is unheard of, or at least it seems to be among those I’ve met there.

I was there hoping for a little chit chat – with women or men – and I found it nearly impossible to get an intelligent conversation going through the message system. Here’s an example:

Honestguy (not completely his real ID): Hi. How are you?

Kat: Are you really honest?

Honestguy: Yes, why do you ask that? (I’m thinking, Uh, does he know his name?)

Kat: Because so many are not honest.  It’s a rare quality n a person these days.

HonestGuy: That’s true but I’m not one of them.

Kat: That’s great. 🙂  What are you really looking for? (I had to ask because his profile said he was looking for a mentor/teacher, play partner, friendship, Master, Mistress, sub, slave.  I was confused, so I was seeking clarification.)

HonestGuy: I am mainly looking for a play partner.

Kat: That’s a good thing. (I really wanted to see how he would work this opportunity.)

Honestguy: Thanks…do you know someone who might be interested?

Oh. My. Gosh. Not only was this the most boring conversation I’ve had online in a long time, but he didn’t even have it in him to ask the “Wanna fuck?” question that most men have learned how to say in their sleep. Or maybe he wasn’t interested in me.  If that were the case, then why did he initiate a conversation and then fail to really converse?

My final answer was a simple, No. No, I honestly don’t know someone who might be interested in being your play partner, Honestguy.

Of the 12 messages I received in the 30 minutes or so I was hanging out on FetLife, there was only one “conversation” that was better than this.

Here’s what kills me.  I know that there’s more to FetLife than this. Dauntless and I joined about 3 years ago and he found a munch in the Sacramento area to attend right away. He found real people with real personalities.  I found Honestguy x 150.

The last message I read last night before I logged off was, “Why don’t you let me come over and let you suck my dick?”  Ugh.  (Face palm)

Sometimes I ask myself, “Did I ever find that hot and sexy? Was I ever attracted to that?” For the most part, my answer is no. However, I’ll admit to a few instances years ago when I was drunk and horny and my answer to Honestguy might have been something like, “Sure I do! Me! How soon can you get here?”

I’m so glad those days are over.



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  1. hubman

    Sounds like Veronica’s experience when she set up on profile on Ashley Madison, as an experiment.

    So what’s your Fetlife username? You know, so I can check out your profile 🙂

  2. Kat

    I’m Shackledkat on FetLife. Come and find me!

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